Transitions

It seems I haven’t been here for a while, and I guess it is because I haven’t really had much to say.  I started this blog to write about my journey towards medical school, with the hope of documenting my journey through the med admissions process, med school and beyond.  Now that I’ve put that hope behind me, and moved on to a different set of goals, I guess I haven’t really known what to write about or how to express my thoughts.

I guess this is a transitory period, and it’ll take time to adjust my mindset when my goal for so long was medicine.  I’ve put in my application for law school, and am now waiting to hear back.  I’ll find out mid January if I made it in or not.  Unlike the whole med application process though, I’m not nervous or anxious about the result.  I think it is because I’m fairly confident of getting in, while I was never confident about getting a place with med school.  I think I always expected to fail with that one.  But now I’m getting on with things, and I must admit I’m starting to get excited.

Not by the endless amount of reading, nor dealing with the notoriously difficult law school, nor the cliquey 18 year olds I expect to share classes with.  I’m getting excited by the challenge, the stimulation that I’ve missed for so very long now, and the chance to argue with people wholeheartedly and not hold back.  I think I’m also excited by the new possibilities that stretch before me.

Although I must admit, this excitement for new adventures is tempered somewhat by old hopes and dreams.  Occasionally, I still get the thought that perhaps I should study some more, give the GAMSAT one final shot.  It’s hard to determine if these thoughts are real longings, or just by-products of a long held dream that is slowly being relinquished.  I can’t commit to the study though, which is making me think these thoughts are more by-products then real longings.

I think this is exacerbated by talking to, and watching the new medical students start on their way.  I can’t help but share their excitement, and to some extent wish it were me.  On reflection though, I do think it is more my sharing in their hopes, dreams and anxieties then my actual wishes.  I think I’ve always tended to generally go with the flow (unless of course I have strong opinions to the contrary) and wonder if perhaps this is what has happened with medicine? I’ve followed in others footsteps, walking along the path they have trodden, or seemingly the path of less resistance.

It does seem an odd notion, pursuing medicine as it is easier then the other alternatives. But I guess coming from a biological science degree, it was one of the three main options presented right from the beginning.  I tried one option, didn’t like it. The other didn’t appeal, so medicine was the default choice, and since many of my friends had gone down that path I guess I naturally followed. I’m not sure I ever questioned why it was I wanted to do it.  I guess it also explains why I wasn’t too crushed to get the rejection after interview a couple of years ago.

So on reflection, and through this very round-a-bout post that drifts from point to point, what I have discovered is that  it’s not me that is not right for  a career in medicine, but rather that medicine is not the right career choice for me.  This makes looking at new options (like law school) that much more enticing.  So stay tuned if you so wish, for tales of this would be law student and her adventures in the world.