Dishonesty

This week, I was starkly reminded how much I hate dishonesty, especially when I’m forced into a position of feeling like I’m being dishonest.  Although I suppose technically I wasn’t lying, I was just omitting a few very pertinent truths.  I suppose I should start at the beginning.  It’s just as well I got into medical school beginning next year as my position at work will no longer exist next year.  Well, not in it’s current guise at any rate.  The business is streamlining and as a result the job I currently do will involve looking after three locations, as opposed to the one it currently is.

This of course encompasses further responsibility while negating a lot of the administrative tasks which seem to constantly bog me down.  It is definitely a good thing.  Of course the downside is that three qualified and competent people will now be competing for that one role.  If I hadn’t of gotten into medical school I would have thrown my hat in the ring and taken my chances as in all honesty it is a fabulous opportunity.  I can see how you’d be asking where does the dishonesty come in? Well, I’ve known now for a couple of months or so of these changes.  However I have been asked by my big boss to keep it quite, and currently only my direct supervisor, the big boss and I are aware of the impending changes.

The plan was to tell all the important players at once, in a meeting the next week.  However, since then many meetings have come and gone and no one is the wiser.  I’ve been in the dubious position of having to skirt around the truth with these players a few times over the last couple of months and have found doing so quite dishonest and a position I hate being in.  However, what I find most reprehensible is having to skirt around the truth with a particular colleague.

You see, this colleague was the one I competed against, and I use the term loosely, when I originally was given my position.  He has not hidden the fact that he really wants my job, and over the last year or so I have groomed him to take on my job if and when I got into medical school or move on to my next promotion.  Luckily for me, he went away on a five week holiday overseas, and only returned to work late this week.  Meaning, he didn’t know I’d gotten into medical school and as such I had hoped that the big boss would tell all the other players before he got back to work allowing me to let him know the change in my position, and my acceptance into med school.

Of course, this wasn’t to be, and he came back before this has occurred.  So when I saw him, I asked him about his trip and what not but didn’t tell him my news. Not long after this conversation as I was walking by he congratulated me on getting into medical school and my heart plummeted.  I’m not sure who told him, but I could see from the look on his face and his excitement that clearly he thinks he’ll soon be taking over my role.  Which won’t be the case at all.  The job will go to one of the two other qualified people, and he doesn’t have a chance.  And I couldn’t tell him.  I felt like the biggest, most dishonest person and I absolutely hated it.

I don’t know how long it’ll be until the big boss decides to tell the other important people, but until then I can only imagine his happiness and excitement will grow only to be quickly deflated when he finds out the truth.  I wanted to avoid this, and now I feel partially responsible.  Logically I know that I am not responsible for what he things, and  that there are no guarantees things will stay the same, or that he would indeed get my position, but emotionally I feel a bit like I’m giving him a long wanted gift only to snatch it away. And it disgusts me.  I abhor being put in this position, and I’d love to take him quietly aside and inform him of the facts, but I also know he is a pretty big gossip and that it won’t stay confidential for long.  Urgh pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation nicely.

What’s that? More Shopping? More Food?

Wow, I can’t believe how quickly the weekend flew by once again.  I’m completely not ready to head into work tomorrow.  Particularly as last week was such an awful week, and I’m not quite ready to see the people who made it so.  Suffice to say, there was a lot of conflict and minor pettiness from one of my colleagues in particular.  I’ve come to see just how much of a manipulative bastard he is, and in all honesty I would be very glad to never have to see him again.  Unfortunately I shall have to deal with him tomorrow and to say I’m not looking forward to the pleasure is more than an understatement.

Friday was a particularly heinous day and I was so glad to be able to leave early afternoon to begin the weekend early.  I was even more pleased to arrive home to find a few packages awaiting my arrival, one earlier than expected and the other I had completely forgotten about which turned out to be a nice surprise.  Do you want to see what I came home to? Well I’m going to show you anyway.

The Chanel biography was a pre-order from the book depository and the item I had completely forgotten about.  Although I’m excited to read it, as it promises to be a very interesting book.  The rest is my order from Kiss and Make Up NY a US website specialising in a few cosmetics brands (among other things) that ships to Australia for very reasonable rates.  They currently ship worldwide for $9.95 which is fantastic, albeit bad for my purse! I get very excited that I can purchase at American prices as opposed to Australian prices.  Example – that NARS blush I purchased cost me US $28.  The price to buy the very same thing in Mecca Cosmetica one of the Australian NARS retailers? AU $45.

Before I purchased, I googled reviews of Kiss and Make Up NY and as expected it was pretty much a mixed bag.  I can only speak of my own experience though which was a positive one.  I received a shipping notification within a couple of days of placing my order, and the items arrived just under two weeks later.  And the packaging to prevent damage to the items is the best I have ever seen.  To be honest, I have never seen so much bubble wrap in one parcel in my life! The postage satchel itself was also padded, meaning my items arrived in pristine condition.  And as you can see, I ordered a few nail polishes as well and I always worry they will smash in the mail!  I may already be planning my next order with them!

But I digress.  As you can see my order contained a number of items. For a long time now, I have wanted to try the NARS blushers as I have heard fantastic things about them.  After much consideration, I decided to go with the shade entitled “deep throat” which is a beautiful shimmery peachy colour.

I was also wanting to try the Laura Mercier silk creme foundation for days when my tinted moisturiser just doesn’t cut it.  Both of these led me to the aforementioned website, and while I was there I decided I may as well make the best use of the postage costs and decided to try my first Deborah Lippmann polish in the delightfully pretty shade sweet dreams, and the NARS Kuroko mini polish collection caught my eye as well (among other items that will be in my next order for sure).

I’ve had a play with most of these products this weekend, but am looking forward to seeing how well they perform in my regular rotation.  I must confess that playing with my new toys kept me occupied for most of the night, which turned out to be a fairly early one. Partly as I wasn’t feeling the best, but also so that I would be ready for my breakfast catch up in the morning.

One of the lovely forum members from Paging Dr  happened to be visiting my humble little city for a number of family engagements over the course of the weekend.  We took the opportunity to catch up for breakfast and I got to eat at one of my absolute favourite cafes of all time.  I absolutely love their brunches.  As did my dining companions.  Of course, this post wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t have photos of food to tease you with!

Poached eggs on sour dough, with avocado, grilled haloumi, caramelised onion and tomato bernaise added up to one delicious and incredibly satisfying brunch.  I must confess to not eating for the rest of the day as I was so stuffed from brunch!  And the dinner I had was a light meal as I still wasn’t up to anything to filling.  The freshly squeezed OJ I had came out in the cutest little bottle – alas I didn’t think to capture its image.  The brioche french toast with passionfruit cream that the lovely PD forum member got looked amazing – I’ll definitely have to try that one next time.

I whiled away the rest of the day, and then today I decided to stop all thoughts of potential GEMSAS interviews (for some crazy reason it seems to be all I can think about at the moment) wich a trip to the local shopping center.  I walked into David Jones wondering if the new O.P.I. Germany collection had hit our shores yet, and indeed it had.

I couldn’t help but pick up a few colours – a bottle of “Every Month is Oktoberfest” and the Ger-mini mini set.  There are still a couple of colours I’d like to pick up from this collection next time I head into DJs. As I type this I am sporting “Every month is Oktoberfest” and it is incredibly beautiful.  I shall try to get a sunlight photo tomorrow to show you.  I also managed to get a free O.P.I. 3-in-1 base, top coat, and nail strengthener since I spent over $39.90 on O.P.I. products.  I do so love free stuff, particularly when I was planning on buying what I did anyway.  While in DJs I also picked up my favourite polish remover – the pink Sally Hansen one.  For some reason, I cannot find it in any supermarket, priceline etc which meant I had to buy it from DJs.  Luckily for me, it was pretty averagely priced which was a surprise.

After DJs I just wandered for a while until I saw a Portmans store and decided to head in and check out their dresses. And fell in love with a gorgeous black dress (it has pockets!) that would be perfect if I am lucky enough to get a GEMSAS interview this year.  And since I was feeling pretty lucky, and it was on sale and all, and they had my size it would be completely wrong for me not to purchase this perfect dress.  And so I did.  Now I just need a cute little cap sleeve top and some new shoes and I’ll be set for interview season.  Huzzah! No freaking out about what to wear, since it’s all sorted.

Now, it’s back to the waiting for GEMSAS.  It’s like watching paint dry.  Any suggestions on how I can keep myself busy and out of mischief while waiting?

What a week!

Wow, what a week.  It was just a little bit insane.  Between the conference (which was not at all what I expected), long catch up day, and a meeting on the other side of town the week simply flew by, and I was absolutely exhausted yesterday.  The conference was rather interesting, and I was enthralled by the afternoon’s guest speaker who shared her insights into leadership after spending a year as the station manager in Antartica.  I must say, after her talk I was ready to sign up for a year there (which actually wasn’t the point of the talk). I don’t know how I’d handle the cold, but it sounded like a simply amazing experience.

I also met the managing director or our company who happens to be a very intelligent, passionate and incredibly charismatic man.  With such strong leadership I can now see how our company has become an industry leader, and can only hope to have a fraction of his leadership skills one day.  He mentioned four, four letter words which are key ingredients to success in leadership and our business – Care, Give, Team and Best, and I know the messages behind each will stick with me for a long time.  Perhaps one day I can do justice to the explanation of each, but for now I will leave it there.

Then was a day of paperwork, meetings and catching up on all the gossip that I’d missed, and sharing my own gossip about my time off. The next day, in the company of a team mate, we drove over an hour each way to the opposite side of the city.  Admittedly, it wasn’t a bad drive, especially with views like this:

And the meeting was rather informative.  However, I learned there is only so much time I can spend in my colleagues company before I go insane.  He is a nice enough guy, and very interested in and passionate about what I do (he may in fact actually want my job!), but he is far, far too chatty for my peace of mind.  By the end of the day I wanted to put him in the “silent corner” (which we don’t actually  have) just so that I could have a moment of peace!  Between the travel and the meeting, the day was pretty much gone by the time I got back to work.  Oh, and they fed us a delicious morning tea composed of many different cakes and slices which I am rather partial too.

Then today I had to work, and generally it’s never any fun on a Sunday.  It is tedious and boring and such a long day.  Especially when the day is cold and rainy. Such was the case today.  However, there were a number of things that made it a good day from the outset.

Firstly, my sisters boyfriend made the trek out to a semi decent local coffee place this morning and returned bearing coffee gifts.  Which of course indebted him to me.  I hope she keeps him around for a while, I could get used to this kind of service.  And then, when I got to work I was given a box of McDonalds cookies as I walked in the door.  So my breakfast now looked something like this:

Note: I transferred the coffee to my favourite travel mug, lest everyone know I had better coffee than they had.  By this point I was very happy of course.  I had coffee AND cookies so my day was looking up.  It only got that much better when the second boss arrived for the day bearing mini reece’s peanut butter cups and peanut butter m&ms – turns out he’d visited the international candy store on his way home yesterday.  He insisted I eat my fair share of the aforementioned chocolate, and I didn’t need to be asked twice.

I’m now home and feeling just a little sick, after all of the chocolate and cookies and coffee I consumed today.  Although, I must say it is definitely the best Sunday I’ve worked in ages.  On top of that, my sister got back from the USA this week (so there were many stories and presents to be had), and I had a few social commitments that meant the week has just flown by! I’m glad it’s over, and that tomorrow’s a public holiday.  🙂

Heigh-Ho heigh-ho it’s off to work I go…

It’s official.  I’m procrastinating.  Tomorrow will be my first day back at work after two blissful weeks off.  Weeks that have flown by way too quickly, and I’m not ready to go back yet! I still have so many books to read, and chores that I want to complete.  It seems the first week I spent getting ready for my interstate trip, and then actually on my trip.  While this week was all about recovering, completing my GEMSAS application and coming up with the perfect present for the birthday of one on my best friends (which was very well received at afternoon tea on Sunday).

I think part of my problem with going back to work tomorrow is that I have no idea what to expect, other than it will be a long day.  Tomorrow I shall be attending a conference in the city, and am expected there by 7.30am with my specific list of items that must accompany me.  From the list, I think there may be a visit to the pub for lunch / dinner (although perhaps that is wishful thinking on my part).  I have been informed that the earliest I shall be departing this conference will be 6.30pm, which will make it a long day.  I’m not looking forward to peak hour traffic tomorrow.

The thing I wonder about, is what exactly is going to take so long? I mean, it won’t be the sort of conference I’ve attended in the past.  There shall be no discussion of journal articles or recent research presented by university professors.  Indeed, I don’t expect there to be any professors actually present tomorrow.  I suppose I shall find out tomorrow, I just hope they don’t expect too much of me.  I mean, I’m still in holiday mode, and aside from the conference this week is going to be a strange one.

I already know I will have two weeks worth of work to catch up on, and only really one day to do it which will be on Wednesday.  Thursday I am expected over the other side of town to attend a meeting which will pretty much take up most of the day, with a brief catch up with my boss in the afternoon.  I’m kind of nervous about that too, I don’t think it’ll be enough time. Why? Well you see, my boss is about to embark on her own holiday and guess who will be left in charge in her absence?

You guessed it, it’ll be me.  Whose bright idea was it to leave me in charge, when I’ve heard stories that practically my whole team has been in tears during my absence, generally to do with performance issues. I really don’t want to have to conduct poor performance conversations while she’s away! Let alone deal with the tears. I have no idea what to say or do (other than grab a box of tissues) when other people are crying. Especially if I’m the inadvertent cause of the tears.  And a couple of hours of catch up really is not enough to prepare me for this.

And so, I’m not ready for work this week.  I know I’ll be fine, and will survive this “sink or swim” experience next week, but for now URGH! I’m freaking out man. Please don’t make me do this.

Week 9: Decisions, decisions

It’s no secret I’ve been feeling rather ambivalent about sitting the GAMSAT recently.  It had slipped from my list of priorities, but I had still planned on sitting it and working my ass off this month.  I’ve had a massive week at work, one I’ve known about and have spent my time planning for a few months.  It went pretty smoothly, I thrived on the challenge and enjoyed the experience more than I ever imagined I would.  And my efforts didn’t go unnoticed by the big wigs either, but that is another story.  The point I’m making is that I’m so exhausted right now I can’t think straight, let alone be expected to make a decision of this magnitude.  Have I ever mentioned how I suck at making decisions?

Yet I must. My decision is due tomorrow morning when I start work at 7am and I have no freaking idea what I’m going to say.  See, the thing is, I have just been offered an amazing opportunity.  One I would jump at any other time.  I was one of three people selected to learn and implement a new system.  This opportunity would require me flying to another state for a few days, the rest of the week at the head office in my state, before using the following two weeks to go out to multiple locations and implement what I’ve learned.  The thing is, this project is time dependant.  The new system will go live on a certain date, so all training would need to be completed before then.

My dilemma? The first week of the training is the week I have booked for annual leave.  I took a week of annual leave the week before GAMSAT to ensure I could be as prepared as possible.  It was hard enough making that decision to take the week off for study purposes (call me crazy, but I like using my leave for fun stuff), now I have to decide if I’ll cancel that leave and accept this opportunity, or continue with the leave and let this chance pass me by.

Of course, what makes this decision that much more difficult, is my ambivalent feelings recently about the GAMSAT and medicine.  I can’t remember the last time I visited Paging Dr or stopped by for a chat with the current med students. And you know what? Surprisingly I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.  Of course, there are people that I miss. Amazing people, who will make fabulous doctors one day, and this has nothing to do with that.  I guess, this year I’ve made certain choices, often as the result of events that have happened which have changed me, and changed my perspective.

I’ve regained a lot of the confidence that I’d lost (somehow without even realising it), and almost feel like that girl I once was, whom I often miss. I have no doubt that I have the skills and attributes necessary to survive, and perhaps even thrive in challenging situations, and think I’d make a half decent doctor. Yet, it’s not the be all and end all, there is more to me and to my life than one particular degree I’ve wanted to study for a long time.  I still want it, but I think I have a more realistic view of it’s importance in my life and the grand scheme of things.

Which is why I am struggling with this decision.  If I had done more study, and felt more prepared, I think I could do both. As it is, right now it feels like I have had less than 24 hours to make a decision that has the potential to effect me for a very long time. Not a decision to be taken lightly at all.  The irony in all of this, is that I have not been able to get hold of any of the people I want to discuss my options with.  So it is a decision I’ll be making alone, when I do actually want to hear what other people think.

Usually I make a decision by myself, and don’t want to hear what others think about it.  Now that I do want their opinions, I can’t get hold of them. Ah fate, you can be very capricious, and I’m sure you definitely have a quirky sense of humour.  So it comes down to this. My choice. GAMSAT or work opportunity that doesn’t come around often, but would be an amazing experience.

When I started this post I had a feeling I’d take the work opportunity. Now I’m thinking perhaps I should focus on the GAMSAT.  God knows what’ll come out of my mouth tomorrow morning when I’m called upon to provide an answer.  Perhaps I’ll have to flip a coin.  All I know is, that I am tired, I don’t want to choose, yet I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight, with thoughts of the choice before me occupying my mind.  All I know is, this decision feels monumental, like a turning point, or a test of my resolve perhaps. I also know that I don’t want to make the wrong choice.   Urgh!

Week 7: Anger

Today was an awful day.  The worst day at work I’ve had in a very very long time.  A day that refused to end it seemed. I came close to quitting and walking out at least five times today.  Have you ever been so angry, that you almost fainted? I can now say that I have.  Anger isn’t an emotion I am overly familiar with.  Sure, I had my angst ridden teen years, and do remember many, many small outbursts, but there hasn’t been anything in a long time.  I’ve mellowed and calmed a bit with age, and take most things in my stride.  If I do happen to get angry, I’m usually in a position where I can walk away to cool off.  Today, I had no such luck.

Somehow I fell into the unfortunate position of being so worked up while having no real outlet for my anger and frustration.  I felt forced to remain in a situation not of my creation, but for which I wore the brunt of the issue of coming up with solutions. Only my solutions where not good enough and did not suit one persons ideas. Yet this same person could not come up with a suitable solution themselves. On and on, round and round until my head felt like it would explode.  More people became involved, everyone with their own idea, no one prepared to listen.

My frustration and anger mounted to such a point, that my legs started shaking, my vision blurred, I became dizzy and overwhelmed.  At which point, one witness to the “discussion” stood up, and pushed me into his recently vacated chair.  I later learned I had lost all colour, and looked pretty terrible.  My clarity gradually returned, as my anger eased somewhat.   An agreeable solution was eventually found, although I am still angry, especially about the loss of time over something that really is pretty inconsequential.  This whole debacle took up a good portion of the afternoon, leaving me with more work than I can really deal with at the moment.  It’s going to be a long week I fear.

It really capped off a truly hideous week.  Of course, a lot of the problems of the past week have been hormone related, and possibly due to the pain.  I have popped so many pain killers the past week and a bit, I’ve felt a bit like a druggie.  Although that’s nothing new.  Every few months, when the pain hits, and the only way to survive is through a variety of drugs designed to numb that pain, I feel a little inadequate, among other things.  I know many others suffer more than I do, but that doesn’t help me much.  Luckily for me, I’m at the end of the tunnel and can see the light.  The fog I’ve been in, is starting to lift as the pain dissipates, and so does my reliance on analgesics.

I feel a bit like a bird about to take off from its nest for the first time in a while. I know I have a little bit further to fall, but I am not scared.  I have the confidence and the strength to realise that the fall will not last. And after the fall, I will be given the chance to soar.  I’m hoping to soar higher than I have before, while achieving things I’ve only dreamed of achieving.  While I know the next couple of weeks are going to be difficult at work, and so will the few that follow (in the lead up to the dreaded beast who shall remain nameless), I also know that I will survive, and perhaps even thrive in these conditions.  I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, and it’s time I embraced those before me as the learning opportunities they are.  2012 is really starting to look up.

Week 26: Where has the year gone?

It’s crazy how fast the year is progressing. I can’t quite believe it is July already. Where the hell have the last 6 months gone? Have you seen them? I don’t believe I have.  For me, the year has been a bit of a blur, between work, school and social commitments, I don’t think I’ve had much time to myself.  Which isn’t completely bad, but I do so value my time outs.   I have a couple more weeks off before I go back to uni, and I have decided that the next weekend I have off I shall do nothing, no plans, no social engagements just chill out time.   Assessment time if you like, to take stock and get ready for another crazy 6 months.

Work continues to be insane, but I finally feel like I have it somewhat under control. True, I still very rarely take a lunch break, but despite the extra expectations that are continually placed on my shoulders, I’m not worried about them as much as I was.  I’m back to taking things in my stride, and you have no idea how much I am glad this is the case.  It’s true, I like and thrive on challenges, but feeling competent and less stressed is a blessing I’ve often taken for granted in the past.

I’m hoping that now that I have found my “feet” so to speak, that the next 6 months will be easier then the first. Perhaps I’ll get the balance better during the semester and feel like I’m actually achieving something, instead of merely keeping my head above water. I guess we’ll see what happens.

Week 4: Work, the craziness

I think I mentioned a few posts ago, that during the recent floods, my workplace went under.  It went 2.3m under water in fact, which made an awful mess, that is still being cleaned up.  So for two weeks, I have been working in another store. I got off to an awful start, and things haven’t got much better.  On the first day, after being pulled in a few different directions, I was asked to hold a kids craft class, during which I had a disagreement with a hot glue gun.  Of course, the hot glue gun won that round (I’ll get you next time hot glue gun!), before I finally managed to grab some lunch and a moments peace.  After lunch I was asked to look after an area I have not worked in for three years back at my own store.  And then to be left by myself, while the other two girls who were supposed to be covering that area decided to have lunch together – well I can tell you I was none to pleased.

Things have not improved much since that initial day, although I have gotten more information as the time has progressed about my own store.  It has to be completely rebuilt, and a lot of the chemicals mixed together causing a very toxic reaction.  In fact, it had to be cleaned out by people in biohazard suits and still needs to be completely cleaned down.  All the products have finally been removed from the shelves, and cleaning is set to commence.  We won’t be able to go back in until the middle of February, at which point we’ll have three weeks to completely restock before the grand re-opening in March. It will be absolutely crazy when we walk back through those doors, and there is so much to do before then. So many records lost, so many that need to be replaced.  The task ahead will be mammoth.  Still, I’d rather be there, with my team, in amongst the action as we get things ready to reopen.

Instead I am stuck out in the wilderness waiting, thinking of all the work ahead, and getting worried.  The job ahead is going to be huge, there is so much that will need to be done, and yet I’m stuck doing what this other store wants of me, with no time to prepare.  The thing that worries me most, is  uni will start somewhere amidst all this and I’ll be cutting back my hours.  My workload will be bigger, with the time I have to commit to my job smaller.  I know a lot of people wouldn’t care, but I do.  I hate doing a shoddy job, and I really want to give my all.  I made a commitment work wise when I took over my role in October, and I want to see that through.  I don’t like leaving anything half finished, and I’m almost afraid I’m going to have to do that when I start law.  That, or I’ll have to rely on someone else and I really don’t want to do that either, but of course that is the lesser of two evils.

I guess what is making it hard this week, is the fact that I went and worked at our off site location with some of my old team on Thursday and Friday (and I thought I’d be there longer). It was so good to see them all, and just laugh and joke and have lunch together.   Now it’s back to the other store, and I’m not quite ready, I don’t want to leave my friends.  What makes this so much harder, is the news this week of a colleague dying from cancer.  This was a lady who was so positive and happy. Who loved to laugh and joke and come to work.  She was such a happy positive person, and I can’t quite believe that she is gone.  I knew this was coming, but it’s still another blow.  It really has rocked everyone.  It’s almost like, what is next? What more can happen? I know life will go on, and things will get better but it is hard. Every time I think I have a handle on the situation, something else pops up.  It really has been a trial.

I am feeling a little better today compared to a couple of days ago, which does go to show that as time moves forward, burdens ease.    I’m not quite as upset as I was last week.  Largely due to dinner with the best of friends, a few drinks, and dancing (even to the most awful band). It really is amazing how spending some time with the people you love makes you realise that while things are constantly changing and life is not going so well, those that you love, will be there to support you and pick you up when you fall.  Thank you guys, I love you all.

Week 2: 2011 Floods

Gosh. What a crazy few days! It all started with that insane inland wall of water, likened to a tsunami, that devastated Toowomba on Monday.   The destruction and ferocity is mind blowing.  The loss of life, absolutely heartbreaking.  The images and video of that event, still have the power to take my breath away, and will stay with me for a very long time. Although I had seen the footage, and knew the water was headed my way, I headed into work as usual on Tuesday morning at 8am, with the water having caused more devastation as it made it’s way down the mountain, leaving whole towns buried in it’s wake.

I met a colleague in the car park, and as we made our way inside she told me of the difficulty she had experienced getting to work  after dropping her child at day care.  A round-a-bout was no longer a round-a-bout, the only way through was over, and the water was lapping at her car doors.  Not long after we made it inside, she received a phone call to collect her son as the childcare center was closing down.  A few other employees left at the same time, to go and get family members as roads were being closed left, right and center in our local area. As I was leaving, I was advised that if I couldn’t get home, and the water was too deep, not to risk it but to come back to work.

At this point, everyone left began sandbagging and trying to protect the property the best we could.  It was hectic, with decisions needing to be made quickly.  A girl that lives in the same suburb as I, was advised by her mother that numerous road closures were in place, and to leave if she wanted to make it home.  I remember seeing her after she spoke to her mother, and this girl was in tears with red puffy eyes.  The drama had just began, and already people were falling apart. I decided to follow her lead and head home (this was about 10am), and just as I was leaving the big boss told us all that another road home had closed.  The sandbagging efforts furiously continued for another hour before they all that remained packed up shop and headed home.  The air of urgency while I was making the decision to leave was so palpable, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like it.

After many detours I finally made it home, with a 10 minute drive home taking close to half an hour.  I was lucky though, as I know people who worked in the CBD, and it took some of them 7 hours to get home, as the gridlock out of the city was massive, with thousands of people trying to leave at the same time.  I got home to find my sister preparing to go to work, and was adamant she needed to go.  After much convincing, she finally came to realise that if she left home, she wouldn’t be getting back anytime soon. Convinced to stay, we turned our attention to our mother. She had not arrived home, and like me, also works in an area flood prone, with streets closed, and no way of getting home.  For a while, we worried that she wouldn’t get home, but somehow she made it just in time, around lunchtime.  If she had left it any longer she would not have made it.

All home, safe and sound we looked up the flood maps on the council site, and were relieved to see that our house was not expected to flood.  I mean, I knew that we weren’t anywhere near any creeks or rivers, but there was still that worry.  The thoughts of whether we should pack up and move to higher ground.  After determining the risk was low, we settled in to watch what was happening, and see if we needed to reassess.  Throughout this all, the rain continued to flow, and the pictures we were seeing of the rising rivers and creeks was staggering.  I have a lowered garden bed, that runs the length of the house, which quickly filled with water providing us with a mini moat and a bit of humor in the ever darkening day.

Waking up on Wednesday morning, the news was worse. The pictures more horrifying as each hour passed, and with the peak not expected until early Thursday morning I wondered how much worse it could get.  And it got worse. Much worse.  My family and friends were safe,  and I was thankful for this.  A number live in areas that have been hit hard (and I’m sure some have lost nearly everything material), yet they all heeded the warnings and evacuated pretty early on.  I spoke to my father on the other side of town, and I cannot tell you how relieved I was to hear the family was safe.  My aunts live in areas that have been effected by the flood waters for weeks.  Both live pretty high up, and the only problems they have experienced is being flooded in.  They are all safe and well I am very happy to report.

I was lucky, safe and dry in my home yet the photos I was seeing of places close by, that were slowly disappearing as the day went on seems incomprehensible to me.  The whole thing has a somewhat surreal feel, my suburb unaffected, and the sun shining merrily in the sky.  While roads I travel every day/ week, gone under a sea of water.  Highways engulfed, and turned into very expensive walkways.  Skate parks/ stadiums turned into swimming pools.  Restaurants and theaters I frequent gone.  Whole suburbs disappeared, with only rooftops visible. My workplace  (10 minutes drive, and three suburbs away) 2m under water Wednesday around 5pm, could only have gotten worse as the river peeked.  The image of it, absolutely incredible, and completely heartbreaking.  The clean up will be massive, and you can be assured I’ll be there cleaning up with everyone else as soon as deemed safe.

Over the last couple of days, as the amount of devastation increased, the sun has shone.  I would think it somewhat ironic, but I think it perfectly highlights Queensland, and the people who inhabit her.  For, every person that has lost all material possessions, another ten stand up willing and able to do everything they can to help.  There are so many people willing and able to help, that unless they have registered to volunteer they are being turned away from the sandbagging depots, the evacuation centers,  the RSPCA, and elsewhere.  So people are helping in anyway they can. Bakery’s are giving away bread.  Storage places are offering free storage (including removal to that storage) for a month.  Strangers helped moved items out of places expected to go under.  Free sausage sizzles.   Everywhere you look,  throughout this whole tragedy you see the spirit of the people shining through.

The despondency and despair you’d expect are not prevalent.  Instead, those effected have been heard saying things like, “yeah, but my neighbor’s place is worse”, and offering to help where they can.  The general attitude is, that “she’ll be right, mate”, the loss of life much more of a concern then the loss of material possessions.  I guess, this sums up what I’ve always thought to be the culture of Australia.  The attitude of getting on with life, and lending a hand where you can.  While the devastation, unnecessary loss of life, and chaos caused is heartbreaking, the humanity and willingness to help each other out is amazing.  Showing that the sun continues to shine and we will survive.

The longest city train ever – stretches from one train station to the next

Under all this water is one of the roads I take to work.

Hard to believe this was once a highway.

Somewhere over the rainbow…

Phew! Wally Lewis outside Suncorp stadium was prepared.

Photo taken by Jack Tran of baby Montana being carried from a helicopter by a member of the Devence Force, after she was evacuated from Forest Hill. I think this image will stay with me for a very long time.

Workplace Frustrations

So today was one of those days that just sucked. For absolutely no real reason. Well, really I think it was because I’m really hating my workplace and my boss right now. I’m very much over it.  I think I can put up with a lot of stuff in the workplace, but one thing I can not handle is not being listened too. I have an ever increasing workload. It’s piling up. Basically I have a month’s worth of work to do. Why you may ask? Well because for the last month I have spent my time doing the job of everyone else. I haven’t had time to do my own work. And does my boss care? No, it seems not.

Every single time I try to talk to her about it, and say no I can’t do that I have so much of my own work left to do including x, y, and z she completely ignores me and tells me to go and do something else, for someone else. And I’ve had enough. She doesn’t seem to understand exactly how much work I have, and today I felt like such an incompetent idiot, when the big boss asked to see the plans for next year.  Ah, about that. I haven’t had the freaking time to do it as I’ve been too busy covering for every other team member. I’m so damn sick of it, and so sick of chasing my tail and not getting anywhere.

The day just got worse from their, with so many people hassling me all day about the lack of staffing. I’m sorry but that’s not my job. I don’t do  the rosters. Go speak to the managers. What the hell do they want me to do about it? Much as I might want to, especially if it will get them off my back, I can’t manufacture more staff.  I can’t solve their problems. I don’t have the time. I don’t even have the time to solve my own god damn problems, what makes them think I’ll be able to solve theirs?  I feel like banging my head against the wall. And screaming. And crying. All at the same time. I’m fed up, frustrated and I don’t know what to do with all of these emotions.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why the hell I’m in this job. Why the hell do I do it. And the answer is I don’t really know. I stayed because I liked the work itself/ most of the people I work with/ I was comfortable and it was enough. But it’s no longer enough. And my liking for my coworkers is diminishing fast. So I guess it is time to dust out the old resume and find something a bit more fun. A bit more stimulating. A bit more challenging.  I hate applying for jobs but the time has come.