This week, I was starkly reminded how much I hate dishonesty, especially when I’m forced into a position of feeling like I’m being dishonest.  Although I suppose technically I wasn’t lying, I was just omitting a few very pertinent truths.  I suppose I should start at the beginning.  It’s just as well I got into medical school beginning next year as my position at work will no longer exist next year.  Well, not in it’s current guise at any rate.  The business is streamlining and as a result the job I currently do will involve looking after three locations, as opposed to the one it currently is.

This of course encompasses further responsibility while negating a lot of the administrative tasks which seem to constantly bog me down.  It is definitely a good thing.  Of course the downside is that three qualified and competent people will now be competing for that one role.  If I hadn’t of gotten into medical school I would have thrown my hat in the ring and taken my chances as in all honesty it is a fabulous opportunity.  I can see how you’d be asking where does the dishonesty come in? Well, I’ve known now for a couple of months or so of these changes.  However I have been asked by my big boss to keep it quite, and currently only my direct supervisor, the big boss and I are aware of the impending changes.

The plan was to tell all the important players at once, in a meeting the next week.  However, since then many meetings have come and gone and no one is the wiser.  I’ve been in the dubious position of having to skirt around the truth with these players a few times over the last couple of months and have found doing so quite dishonest and a position I hate being in.  However, what I find most reprehensible is having to skirt around the truth with a particular colleague.

You see, this colleague was the one I competed against, and I use the term loosely, when I originally was given my position.  He has not hidden the fact that he really wants my job, and over the last year or so I have groomed him to take on my job if and when I got into medical school or move on to my next promotion.  Luckily for me, he went away on a five week holiday overseas, and only returned to work late this week.  Meaning, he didn’t know I’d gotten into medical school and as such I had hoped that the big boss would tell all the other players before he got back to work allowing me to let him know the change in my position, and my acceptance into med school.

Of course, this wasn’t to be, and he came back before this has occurred.  So when I saw him, I asked him about his trip and what not but didn’t tell him my news. Not long after this conversation as I was walking by he congratulated me on getting into medical school and my heart plummeted.  I’m not sure who told him, but I could see from the look on his face and his excitement that clearly he thinks he’ll soon be taking over my role.  Which won’t be the case at all.  The job will go to one of the two other qualified people, and he doesn’t have a chance.  And I couldn’t tell him.  I felt like the biggest, most dishonest person and I absolutely hated it.

I don’t know how long it’ll be until the big boss decides to tell the other important people, but until then I can only imagine his happiness and excitement will grow only to be quickly deflated when he finds out the truth.  I wanted to avoid this, and now I feel partially responsible.  Logically I know that I am not responsible for what he things, and  that there are no guarantees things will stay the same, or that he would indeed get my position, but emotionally I feel a bit like I’m giving him a long wanted gift only to snatch it away. And it disgusts me.  I abhor being put in this position, and I’d love to take him quietly aside and inform him of the facts, but I also know he is a pretty big gossip and that it won’t stay confidential for long.  Urgh pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation nicely.


6 thoughts on “Dishonesty

  1. Oh! It’s frustrating and disappointing to find yourself embroiled in this kind of drama… but don’t beat yourself up. It’s a situation none of your making. And while it’s not a comfortable place to be, you’re not being dishonest. You’re being professional.

    • Hehe, I think I was reading / commenting on your latest entry while you were on mine. Spooky, especially the parallels of beating ourselves up. Thanks for the reassurance, I’m hoping I can live obliviously and that the bb will tell everyone soon – in the meantime I’m hardly in the office this week so that shall help too.

      I also think you’ve done what you needed to without making waves – and it is something that is necessary at this point. It sucks equally, and is definitely uncomfortable but I think you’re being too harsh on yourself. It’s our high standards that keep getting crushed by the system and I really do know how you feel. xx

      • Haha! Snap! …And yes… Spooky! It must be the season for it.

        Sometimes (well, often) I wish I could be that little more assertive/demanding and people would know from the get-go not to mess with me! …Instead, I’m too *nice* (read: a pushover) and I find myself in those positions where I think to myself: Ah! How did I get here? And where’s the exit?!

        I guess in both our cases, we’ve just got to ride it out. Fortunately, GP is close to finished for me. And you… closed to finished too? I hope you’re planning some fantastic send-off before heading down South.

      • I know what you mean, as I often fall into that “pushover” category. I like to think it’s offset though by some of the amazing opportunities I don’t think I would have had if I were too assertive etc.

        I’m glad to hear you’re almost done with GP – and you can’t be far off finishing the year (although that means exams are no doubt looming which is always a bit scary). I just realised you must be only just over a year off finishing for good which is no doubt both exciting and daunting!

        I’m going to try and work for as long as possible, to save up the $$ before heading south. I’m looking at visiting your hometown early Jan with one of the besties which will be lovely. Possibly an overseas Asia bound trip with the father too, although it’s tbc. Exciting times ahead for both of us – I can’t wait to hear all about your time in Europe and see the pics (I’m hoping there will be some food porn thrown in!).

  2. Yeah, unfortunately 5th year exams are our big barrier exams… not sure what’s the point of 6th year then – but once we get through this, rumor has it it’s all fair waters from here. Just got to get through this bit. Six weeks and counting till the show begins. Already, I feel the butterflies in my stomach and the anxiety on the rise. Uh!

    Something to look forward to?

    That and student poverty! Hooray! Whatever funds you can cobble together ahead of the course will definitely come in handy… but of course, a girl has got to have fun too!

    And yes: Europe! Eating is what travel is all about, right? I promise there will be food porn.

    • Ick, I don’t envy you right now that’s for sure. And it’s definitely not something I’m looking forward to, although necessary it’s a very scary concept!

      You’re almost talking me out of it you know. No more impulse shopping for me, le sigh. Lets forget the limited edition Urban Decay Vice palette I *may* have purchased last night! 😉

      Yeah, I figure I’ll manage one way or the other and it’s only for four years right? Is it too soon to count down until I have a regular income again?

      Oh god yes, and the food in Europe is going to be superb. I am very jealous and can’t wait to eye your photos longingly. 🙂

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